we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
