my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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