glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There r osticjed everywhere
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
