Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
