My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
