actually, I'm a sock model
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
