her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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