according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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