This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
