I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
