Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
