If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
