The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize