Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
