I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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