Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
