you win again, gameday.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
