names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
