Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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