and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
