Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
