Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
should my penis look like a turkey
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize