You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
