Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
