nutella sex= disaster
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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