remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
