Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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