he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
