We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
