Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
