Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
