Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
