happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
