im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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