Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
