My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
