That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
