This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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