I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
