You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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