areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
