just tell him i said nine months
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize