thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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