I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
