I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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