I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
