I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
her vagine was all disorganized.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
