I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
