a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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