The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm passing your future prison.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
