I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
