Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How does it feel to date your dad?