Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger