i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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