ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
