But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
