Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
