I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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