I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We are two peas in an std pod
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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