The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
