she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
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says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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