I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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