i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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