Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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