I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
