last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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