you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
