I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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