she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
