Your mouth is God's brothel.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
