if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
